There was a time when I lived my life guided by perfectionism, fear, and the need for external validation. I needed the praise, admiration, and attention from others to feel that I was okay. When I didn’t think I was good enough I was left in despair with deep guilt and shame. I turned to numbing behaviors like overeating, shopping, or spending too much time on the computer to avoid feeling. Trying to maintain this façade of perfect mother, wife, employee, housekeeper, and business owner caused great suffering. I had an amazing and beautiful life, and I was miserable.
Somehow deep down I knew that suffering through life was optional. In 2004 I took my first steps toward healing the deep pain and anger I felt. I quickly learned that I was living in my head. I was completely out of touch with my body.
I began doing yoga, reading self-help books, and attending workshops. I learned to meditate in a Mindfulness-Based Eating Awareness Training (MB-EAT) program, and I was hooked! With the help of many gifted guides and teachers, I took the baby steps toward becoming who I am today. Every time I bought another book or signed up for another program I thought, “This is the one that will fix me.” However, what I’ve learned is that we don’t need to be fixed. We are already perfect. Lao Tzu wrote, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” In my journey it has been the single steps that have made the sustainable difference in my life.